In my own skin.

For today’s post, I’ve decided to talk about something rather personal, something that unfortunately sits at the back of my mind 24/7 and never leaves me alone.

I’ll talk about my body image.

I found a journal I kept when I was 8 years old. In one entry, I was specifically saying how “big” I was, how disgusted I was with my body and how I had to start dieting to make a difference.

8 years old! Can you believe it?

Well, 17 years later, I can.

I can’t remember a time when I felt comfortable in my own skin. Nevertheless, today, when I see myself in old pictures, all I can think about is how good/thin I looked back then. Of course, I was 15/18/21.

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17 year old Romi. (I don’t smoke anymore, thank Goodness)

Age is a great reason to explain it, I guess. But I also have other things to blame.

  • When I was 19 I started working in an office. Sitting down, 45 hours a week, choosing unhealthy and cheap meals for lunch and breakfast. Even today as a freelancer, I’m still sitting down on the computer most of the day.
  • I’ve always liked exercising, but I never sticked to a routine or a sport. Because of the way I look, I don’t feel comfortable in gyms surrounded by other girls. For a while I enjoyed doing Zumba by myself at home and it seemed to work (this is my ultimate video playlist), but since I moved to an apartment I lack the space.
  • I love cooking (as you well know) and food is something I always think about. I can’t say my life revolves around it, but I’m jealous of those girls who are happy by chopping a lettuce and calling it a meal. I’m too creative food-wise, which ends up adding calories to a otherwise healthy meal. Researching recipes, writing them down, scouting for ingredients… that’s something I love doing and I can’t change who I am.
  •  My social life. My nutritionists always brings this up. How I love gathering with friends, sharing a drink or two, going out to have dinner, sharing a glass of wine with Maxi at the end of a busy day.

What can I do now?

Be warned, I will say the most cliché phrase in the story of the universe: “I’ve tried EVERYTHING”. The sad thing is, I did.

I took in great habits and horrible ones. I overcame cravings and diseases all the same. I went down the scale and quickly up again.

But I haven’t lost hope. 

I walk 4 km every other day, I try to choose healthier food, and I never snack. I even downloaded Lark and talk to that app more often than with my mom. Of course, one of this year’s resolutions is to lose weight – it always is. I just can’t figure out what to do differently to see results. But I’ll keep looking, and hopefully some day I won’t need years passing my to see myself and feel happy in my own skin.


 

If you’ve had a similar experience, I would love if you could share it, & stay tuned to Kilo India Delta for more stories of this girl cruising her twenties.

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8 thoughts on “In my own skin.

  1. Have you ever tried yoga? It has helped me a lot to accept myself, and to look at my body with much more love and compassion. Of course it has plenty of other benefits as well, particularly for us sitting in front of computers for such long hours. Whatever path you find, I hope it helps find inner peace. 🙂

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  2. La verdad es que me siento de la misma forma (no sé si es bueno o malo), la peor parte es que me afecta de una manera tan profunda que hasta lloro reiteradas veces por ello , envidiando a la gente que se ha ganado la lotería genética. También he intentado todo, y miro el pasado con ojos de añoranza. Creo fervientemente que el problema no es la contextura física, sino lo que nos han llevado a pensar de ella, y en el pedestal que se encuentra hoy en día. Ojalá hubiera una forma de sentirse bien realmente con el cuerpo que tenemos.
    Me ahorro la frasesita de cuarta new age del amor y otro tipo de por menos baratos.
    Te mando un abrazo fuerte, y si encontrás la receta para ello, espero verla acá 🙂
    Tania.

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    1. Sos una hermosa. Ojalá pudiéramos vernos a veces con otros ojos, con una mirada menos dura, o apreciando las miles de cosas que nos hacen únicos. Por ahora me conformo con pensar en las decisiones de todos los días que probablemente me ayuden a verme mejor, a sentirme mejor o a pensarme mejor. Beso grande!

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  3. Thanks for your honesty. I’m sending positive thoughts your way that you’ll find the self-acceptance you seek. Many of us discover that it can arrive quite unexpectedly. The most important sentence in your entire post: “But I haven’t lost hope.”

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