For today’s post, I’ve decided to talk about something rather personal, something that unfortunately sits at the back of my mind 24/7 and never leaves me alone.
I’ll talk about my body image.
I found a journal I kept when I was 8 years old. In one entry, I was specifically saying how “big” I was, how disgusted I was with my body and how I had to start dieting to make a difference.
8 years old! Can you believe it?
Well, 17 years later, I can.
I can’t remember a time when I felt comfortable in my own skin. Nevertheless, today, when I see myself in old pictures, all I can think about is how good/thin I looked back then. Of course, I was 15/18/21.
Age is a great reason to explain it, I guess. But I also have other things to blame.
- When I was 19 I started working in an office. Sitting down, 45 hours a week, choosing unhealthy and cheap meals for lunch and breakfast. Even today as a freelancer, I’m still sitting down on the computer most of the day.
- I’ve always liked exercising, but I never stuck to a routine or a sport. Because of the way I look, I don’t feel comfortable in gyms surrounded by other girls. For a while I enjoyed doing Zumba by myself at home and it seemed to work (this is my ultimate video playlist), but since I moved to an apartment I lack the space.
- I love cooking (as you well know) and food is something I always think about. I can’t say my life revolves around it, but I’m jealous of those girls who are happy by chopping a lettuce head and calling it a meal. I’m too creative food-wise, which ends up adding calories to an otherwise healthy meal. Researching recipes, writing them down, scouting for ingredients… that’s something I love doing and I can’t change who I am.
- My social life. My nutritionists always bring this up. How I love gathering with friends, sharing a drink or two, going out to have dinner, sharing a glass of wine with Maxi at the end of a busy day.
What can I do now?
Be warned, I will say the most cliché phrase in the story of the universe: “I’ve tried EVERYTHING”. The sad thing is, I did.
I took in great habits and horrible ones. I overcame cravings and diseases all the same. I went down the scale and quickly up again.
But I haven’t lost hope.
I walk 4 km every other day, I try to choose healthier food, and I never snack. I even downloaded Lark and talk to that app more often than with my mom. Of course, one of this year’s resolutions is to lose weight – it always is. I just can’t figure out what to do differently to see results. But I’ll keep looking, and hopefully, someday I won’t need years passing me to see myself and feel happy in my own skin.
If you’ve had a similar experience, I would love if you could share it, & stay tuned to Kilo India Delta for more stories of this girl cruising her twenties.