Trust Issues.

My mom loves old sayings.

One of my favorite ones goes like this: “El que se quema con leche, ve una vaca y sale corriendo“, which can be translated to “If you get burnt with milk, you see a cow and ran off scared.”

This story is about how I got burnt and how I eventually lost the fear of the cow, for good.

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It was a cold night of March. My boyfriend from back then, a nice guy that we’ll call C, my sister Georgi and I were cooking in the messy kitchen of the tiny one bedroom apartment in Cordoba, where I lived with her. C and I had been together for over a year, and I really enjoyed being with him. Things were simple, we were true friends, and I trusted him deeply.

That was my bad, I quickly learnt.

We were listening to music on YouTube, my laptop banging from the other room. The song ended (Ben Harper, I’ll never forget that song), and I went to choose another song to continue the happy playlist while we were laughing and cooking.

When I leant over the computer, I saw the red flag showing I had an unread message on Facebook, and without hesitating I opened the inbox. My inbox, I thought. Once again, my bad.

I didn’t recognize any of the names of the people who sent the messages. That’s when I realized it wasn’t my Facebook account, it was C’s. And all the names were girl names. Some girls I knew, even.

I felt my world crashing down, exactly like all those song lyrics. (That’s how it feels, and I hope it never happens to you.)

You’ll see, I’m a very rational person. Specially in critical moments like that one, I get a cold head. So instead of confronting him right away, I captioned some of the messages quickly. One, two, three different girls. There was a message from me in between them. I felt disgusted.

I took my time and read the messages I had captioned. He’d been seeing other girls, plural, for months.

I went back to the kitchen and my sister knew exactly what had happened just by looking at my face. I must have looked terrible, because she dropped what she had in her hands and came running. “What happened, Ro? Are you OK?” 

C took a quick look at me, and realizing what had happened, flew towards the computer, shutting it close while he started stammering explanations and excuses. I opened the door, looked at him and said: “Get out of my house. Now.


I wish I could say that was the last time I saw him. Unfortunately, sometimes we need to crash and then crash and burn, and that’s what I did. And I used to think it had been a complete waste of time. We even dated for a few more months before I left for the US and finally lost touch completely.


I came back after 5 months in the US and felt completely lost. I had left a life at home, and a big part of it wasn’t there anymore. And what I missed the most about my old life was my ability to trust other people. Somehow, C had taken that away from me. People kept telling me about his affairs and adventures, and I thought it was all so ridiculous. Why had I given him that power? That’s something I’ll never know. And I thought I could never recover from that.

Solar Vail

I spent years trying to remember how it worked. I couldn’t take any guy seriously, because I couldn’t take relationships seriously. When I look back, I see that I hurt people I cared about because of this reason. I was a coward, and preferred to ran away instead of confronting my fears and standing up for what I felt.

Until now, that is. Of course, I still discover how much it scares me, imaging that same situation with the person I’ve decided to trust deeply, with all my heart. But the more I know Maxi, the more I know it’s worth it. Putting my feelings on the table again and in that way, risking my sanity for someone like him. I might get burnt again, we can never know. But now I’m keeping this power to myself. I can now assess the pain that’s in store & choose if I’m ready to take the risk of being in love with him.


Have you had an unpleasant experience that scarred your trust? What made you move on?

Stay tuned to Kilo India Delta for more articles from this girl in her 20s.
Thanks for being there and reading these words. My next post will be lighter, I promise.

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9 thoughts on “Trust Issues.

  1. Hi,

    for somehow i crashed into your website. I’ve now spent more than 1h reading it. This post in particular, really touched me. I went through a similar story once.

    Kisses from Portugal.

    Like

    1. Oi Ana!
      Crashing sometimes makes up an awesome verb! Maybe this post found you 🙂

      Thanks for reading and for sharing, I wish you a wonderful New Year and hope to read you again!

      A big hug from Argentina 💕

      Like

  2. La verdad que te comprendo de una manera súper intima, pero creo que fue un poco peor mi experiencia porque había fotos implicadas. Ahí me di cuenta en la relación enferma en la que estaba. As usual, al tiempo seguimos, en retrospectiva creo que era por miedo a estar sola y por costumbre, mirando hacia atrás nunca confíe enteramente. No fue accidental que yo haya visto el mensaje. Lo peor es que era algo que ya venia pronosticando hace meses. Debí confiar en mis distintos, y ese fue mi peor error. Quiero que sepas que siempre leo tu blog, no suelo contestar, porque apuesto escribiendo en la tablet. Pero esta entrada merecía ser destacada, y ser comentada. “For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. So collapse. Crumble. This is not your destruction. This is your birth.” Abrazo, Tania.

    Like

    1. Es exactamente como vos decís, y me alegra muchísimo que en retrospectiva no haya sido destrucción sino un nuevo origen. También de ahí sacamos la fuerza para salir adelante 🙂 Gracias por comentar, y gracias por leer, vale mucho para mí que personas geniales como vos se tomen su tiempo y que además hagan su aporte. Beso enorme!

      “For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. So collapse. Crumble. This is not your destruction. This is your birth.” SI! Siempre.

      Like

  3. Well I can totally relate to your story, mine just unfolds a little different but I share the trust issue with you. The big disappointment here is I don’t even trust myself, even the simplest decisions are made with conflict.

    Like

    1. You will get there eventually. A single thread of better decisions will definitely make you feel better and that’s a road that can only go up. Be strong and believe in yourself! No one else can now what’s better for you. And don’t feel selfish, we all need to put ourselves in the first place to take care of us better. Thanks for being there 🙂

      Like

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